I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He felt like a one man threesome
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
