In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
