I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
