I wish my penis had an off switch
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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