everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
