I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
