doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize