i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
