Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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