Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
