ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize