No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Four minutes until I can fart!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
