I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
