problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
