I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
love makes seman taste better
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
