i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
