3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
