Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize