I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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