The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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