I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
