Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize