We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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