How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
