Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just had sex bonerless
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
