hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
