I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You made out with two different species that night
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
