I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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