My Higher Power is John Stamos
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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