sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize