i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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