I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
