i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
