roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
