And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
