I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
