so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
