Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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