I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
