there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Boobs are out for the taking
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
