Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
