How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Randomize
