somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
