Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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