Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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