i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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