i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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