just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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