I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
