I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
