I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
