Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
