The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
