i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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