my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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