Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
