Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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