NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
