Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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