awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
