I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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