you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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