I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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