The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
