U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
