i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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