well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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